[He's heavy on the techno and dance, has a fair amount of soundtrack, and then there's the ones he's gotten from other people here. It's a heavier dance track that's playing as he moves slowly to open the door, bass and drums carrying the piece. Maybe the pain is just psychological, not really there anymore, but he still hurts.]
Hey. Come on in.
[Garrus gestures to the small table that already has two cups and a bottle on it.]
[Alcohol's typically not his approach to dulling pain. He prefers something with more action, something physical. But he's not going to turn down an offer like this. Talking it with someone might help, though he's always been a tad cautious when it came to his own feelings. At the very least, this will help both in a way that isn't bottling it up.]
I see you've already started the party without me. [Even after all this time, the music here comes off as strange to him. He doesn't think he'll ever get used to it. Guy walks to the table, sits.]
[He'd set up beforehand, rather than start drinking. It'll be easier if he can minimize how much he's moving, make himself look somewhat all right. Despite his intentions, though, Garrus moves a little stiffly to the table before taking his own seat.]
Probably going to bring more next mission. If there's a chance of no shopping, no added supplies, then I figure it's needed.
And you don't as much. You got some sort of healing secret that you haven't shared? Or was Medical not too badly crowded?
[He knows the staff will be overworked, but maybe Guy got there early. Even if Garrus had been willing to have his collapse in camp, he wouldn't have gone at the time it happened.
He pours wine into both glasses before holding one out.]
It was magic. Literally. Zelos patched up what he could.
[The healing spell had been powerful, but it hadn't fixed everything. There's still a pallor to Guy's face, and a slowness he moves with so as not to cause any pains to flare up. He gingerly takes the glass, swishes the wine around before he ventures to take a sip. The taste is a welcome one. It's been a while since he's had a good drink.]
[It's not a bad question at all to start with. Guy doesn't hesitate with his answer.]
He's a handful. But I trust him. [He's the most contrary example of trustworthiness, but there's just enough for Guy to believe in.] He'd never say we were friends, though. That's just how he is.
We had a few bumps. [He says it without any hesitation. He's been spending a lot of time thinking about the nature of these punishments, has investigated his own actions and that of his team's.]
More specifically, we almost lost the Neraki's trust. My group disturbed their sacred grounds.
[He can see how that warrants a reprimand, but he didn't think they'd come down this hard.]
But did you get the intel on the grounds? Or were your orders different? Ours were recon. We got everything we saw, and we saw a lot, pretty sure. Inside and out of the village.
I don't think our orders were any different from other recon groups. We were to gather data on the clans to the best of our abilities. My team tried gaining information directly from them while scouting the area around the village.
[They got the job done. That should be enough, but apparently it hadn't been. He hesitates.]
I can see why they'd punish me or the members from my team. [The words are spoken slowly, with great reluctance. He doesn't believe that these sorts of punishments were necessary. In his eyes, they only worsened the situation, created an atmosphere of distrust and anger that couldn't be easily smoothed over.] We've screwed up in a few places. They could've used any one of them as justification.
[He looks up at the turian.]
But I'm still trying to wrap my head around what they're trying to tell us.
[He goes quiet as Guy analyzes what his team did. When Garrus speaks again, his words are just as slow.]
A few of ours didn't... contribute a whole lot. Not really sure what they were up to. But the point remains that we did the job. And all of us got punished, on top of the fact that we did it.
[He understands the implications that statement carries. Hadn't that been the case when they signed on with the CDC in the first place? Step out of line, and you could lose protection for your planet. Waver, and you were bound to lose everything close to you. They came in bearing knowledge of these shackles already: maybe it was just time for another reminder because they were growing too comfortable.
Guy cups his drink.]
They gave a damn good demonstration of it. [Having it said aloud gives a terrifying weight to the idea.] ... we're already going along with what they want us to do. Can't that be enough?
[He knows the answer already. But he's bitter and angry, and he needs to give voice to it.]
[That's just how people were, it seems. Despite promises of prosperity, despite hope, there'll always be this seedy underbelly. It seems like it was just their luck to be thrust into the center of it all.
Guy sighs. Heavy, low.]
So this won't be the last of it. [Regardless of their reasoning, regardless of how they justify it--
There's too many damned mysteries on this ship. Too many unknowns, and none of it sits well with him. Nobody knows enough and he feels as though he's slammed right into a wall.]
[There's the faintest bit of anger in his voice; it's quashed before he continues.]
Ours is injured. Don't blame him, but he's out of commission. Mothership won't answer shit, Gliese probably won't. Dagger probably won't for anyone who isn't Red. Ghost? Doubt he'll bother for anyone who isn't Blue. Honey'll likely say we deserved it and we should have gotten more, without answering. And Gale? We're not Grey.
[Garrus shakes his head.]
Maybe Warriorhead will answer you. He's easier to approach than most of them. But he's also dealing with personal things and this might not be the time.
[There's not a chance Warriorhead will answer Garrus, though.]
[It comes out sharper than he intends it to be, but he refrains from harping on the subject.
He's seen recruits trying to befriend their instructors. Sasha's offering of meat to Armada was the first to come to mind, as well as various messages on the network. Guy's never been big on the whole idea, though he understands how it might prove useful in the end.
But as for the instructors themselves, they were apart from the recruits. It was in the manner they carried themselves, the power they held in their hands that gave them the frightening authority they had.
Who said they had to care about recruits like them, when they were so easily broken? Guy knocks back his drink.]
You think even after this, they'll be nice to their own teams?
...I could have sworn I replied to this. Argh, I'm sorry.
[Does he think they'll be nice to their teams. That's quite the question, and Garrus takes a slow, deep, accidentally painful breath as he thinks. After a moment, he nods.]
They don't want us entirely broken. They want us pliable. Eager to please. Silence at this point is just gonna trip up their development of us, so if we go to them, they'll be nice. Enough. For them. But they won't be kind, I'm gonna bet. Why would they be?
[Too much kindness would undo what they'd done here. Would strengthen resolves just weakened and frayed.]
[A thoughtful pause, before a disdainful smile curls his mouth.]
Well, I'd be more worried if they started acted chummy towards us. [He nods at Garrus.] How're you feeling, though? I'm guessing it hit you as bad as it hit all of us.
[Maybe a couple do. Or maybe they're being played just as much as anyone else, but from an opposite angle.]
And I'm... Mm. Sore. Not going to be doing much for a couple of days unless I go for more nanites, and with supplies low I don't wanna do that. But I'll survive. And that's really all we can ask for, here.
[He wants more. He's just not sure they'll ever get more.]
[If there's anything the CDC is teaching them, it's that they aren't worth more. It's a lesson Guy's fighting against, tooth and nail, even if he isn't as vocal about it as some others are. So what if their worlds were limitless, so what if there were countless versions of them spread across universes? The people they were in this moment-- their existences right now-- was present and important.
One way or another, they'll burn this damned organization down. They'll have to. It's something he's beginning to feel deep in the pit of his heart, much as he wants the protection of his home.
Guy drums his fingers against the table.]
Don't get yourself too riled up just yet. Both of us need to rest up.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Don't worry, I've already given my share of blood. I'll be there in five. Set some light mood music if you want.
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I have Enya, but she might put us to sleep. Want something with a beat? Got lots of things with beats.
[This is, thankfully, something he can do.]
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FROM: cecil.guy@cdc.org
I trust your music sense. Surprise me.
[As long as it's not EDM... in any case, Garrus'll hear a knock on his rover's door a few minutes later.]
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Hey. Come on in.
[Garrus gestures to the small table that already has two cups and a bottle on it.]
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I see you've already started the party without me. [Even after all this time, the music here comes off as strange to him. He doesn't think he'll ever get used to it. Guy walks to the table, sits.]
Where'd you get this wine from?
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[He'd set up beforehand, rather than start drinking. It'll be easier if he can minimize how much he's moving, make himself look somewhat all right. Despite his intentions, though, Garrus moves a little stiffly to the table before taking his own seat.]
Probably going to bring more next mission. If there's a chance of no shopping, no added supplies, then I figure it's needed.
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Right, you look like you could go for a couple of rounds yourself. More than a couple, in fact.
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And you don't as much. You got some sort of healing secret that you haven't shared? Or was Medical not too badly crowded?
[He knows the staff will be overworked, but maybe Guy got there early. Even if Garrus had been willing to have his collapse in camp, he wouldn't have gone at the time it happened.
He pours wine into both glasses before holding one out.]
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[The healing spell had been powerful, but it hadn't fixed everything. There's still a pallor to Guy's face, and a slowness he moves with so as not to cause any pains to flare up. He gingerly takes the glass, swishes the wine around before he ventures to take a sip. The taste is a welcome one. It's been a while since he's had a good drink.]
Trust me, I still feel as bad as you look.
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[Color him impressed. He'd had help of his own, but he's not 100%. Might not be for some time, with the way everything feels.]
You two are close, then?
[A far better question to start with than 'how are you feeling about things after this?']
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He's a handful. But I trust him. [He's the most contrary example of trustworthiness, but there's just enough for Guy to believe in.] He'd never say we were friends, though. That's just how he is.
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[Sometimes the words really matter. And sometimes it's just enough to see it in action.
Garrus takes a sip of his drink, trying to get a little more comfortable on the hard chair. It's not going to happen today, he knows, but he can try.]
Your group, Guy. Do you know what went wrong? If anything?
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More specifically, we almost lost the Neraki's trust. My group disturbed their sacred grounds.
[He can see how that warrants a reprimand, but he didn't think they'd come down this hard.]
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But did you get the intel on the grounds? Or were your orders different? Ours were recon. We got everything we saw, and we saw a lot, pretty sure. Inside and out of the village.
[They also didn't mess up something sacred.]
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[They got the job done. That should be enough, but apparently it hadn't been. He hesitates.]
I can see why they'd punish me or the members from my team. [The words are spoken slowly, with great reluctance. He doesn't believe that these sorts of punishments were necessary. In his eyes, they only worsened the situation, created an atmosphere of distrust and anger that couldn't be easily smoothed over.] We've screwed up in a few places. They could've used any one of them as justification.
[He looks up at the turian.]
But I'm still trying to wrap my head around what they're trying to tell us.
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A few of ours didn't... contribute a whole lot. Not really sure what they were up to. But the point remains that we did the job. And all of us got punished, on top of the fact that we did it.
[Leaning forward, Garrus doesn't quite meet Guy's eyes.]
And as far as what they're trying to say... There's only one message to take from the vagueness, isn't there?
[And now he does.]
They can do this at any time, for any reason.
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Guy cups his drink.]
They gave a damn good demonstration of it. [Having it said aloud gives a terrifying weight to the idea.] ... we're already going along with what they want us to do. Can't that be enough?
[He knows the answer already. But he's bitter and angry, and he needs to give voice to it.]
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It's not going to be enough until we break. Or until they make us turn against each other so that we're not focused on what they're doing anymore.
[He shakes his head.]
They don't want us thinking. They want us hurting and afraid and off-balance. And until we're off-balance, it won't be enough.
[Until they stand no future threat, and Garrus hopes that never happens.]
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Guy sighs. Heavy, low.]
So this won't be the last of it. [Regardless of their reasoning, regardless of how they justify it--
There's too many damned mysteries on this ship. Too many unknowns, and none of it sits well with him. Nobody knows enough and he feels as though he's slammed right into a wall.]
... Pilot thinks we should talk to them.
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[There's the faintest bit of anger in his voice; it's quashed before he continues.]
Ours is injured. Don't blame him, but he's out of commission. Mothership won't answer shit, Gliese probably won't. Dagger probably won't for anyone who isn't Red. Ghost? Doubt he'll bother for anyone who isn't Blue. Honey'll likely say we deserved it and we should have gotten more, without answering. And Gale? We're not Grey.
[Garrus shakes his head.]
Maybe Warriorhead will answer you. He's easier to approach than most of them. But he's also dealing with personal things and this might not be the time.
[There's not a chance Warriorhead will answer Garrus, though.]
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[It comes out sharper than he intends it to be, but he refrains from harping on the subject.
He's seen recruits trying to befriend their instructors. Sasha's offering of meat to Armada was the first to come to mind, as well as various messages on the network. Guy's never been big on the whole idea, though he understands how it might prove useful in the end.
But as for the instructors themselves, they were apart from the recruits. It was in the manner they carried themselves, the power they held in their hands that gave them the frightening authority they had.
Who said they had to care about recruits like them, when they were so easily broken? Guy knocks back his drink.]
You think even after this, they'll be nice to their own teams?
...I could have sworn I replied to this. Argh, I'm sorry.
They don't want us entirely broken. They want us pliable. Eager to please. Silence at this point is just gonna trip up their development of us, so if we go to them, they'll be nice. Enough. For them. But they won't be kind, I'm gonna bet. Why would they be?
[Too much kindness would undo what they'd done here. Would strengthen resolves just weakened and frayed.]
I wouldn't really expect any actual answers.
no worries!
Well, I'd be more worried if they started acted chummy towards us. [He nods at Garrus.] How're you feeling, though? I'm guessing it hit you as bad as it hit all of us.
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[There's a bitter edge to his voice.]
If suddenly they treated us like we mattered.
[Maybe a couple do. Or maybe they're being played just as much as anyone else, but from an opposite angle.]
And I'm... Mm. Sore. Not going to be doing much for a couple of days unless I go for more nanites, and with supplies low I don't wanna do that. But I'll survive. And that's really all we can ask for, here.
[He wants more. He's just not sure they'll ever get more.]
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[If there's anything the CDC is teaching them, it's that they aren't worth more. It's a lesson Guy's fighting against, tooth and nail, even if he isn't as vocal about it as some others are. So what if their worlds were limitless, so what if there were countless versions of them spread across universes? The people they were in this moment-- their existences right now-- was present and important.
One way or another, they'll burn this damned organization down. They'll have to. It's something he's beginning to feel deep in the pit of his heart, much as he wants the protection of his home.
Guy drums his fingers against the table.]
Don't get yourself too riled up just yet. Both of us need to rest up.
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I'm a ditz...